Stancy of Chicago set forth upon his journey to find the great knight who could save jolly King Mattoon from the unscrupulous villains: Portis of Potty, Parker of Knowitall and the Crazed Brown of Eldon. In order to travel the distance to the realm of insanity Stancy of Chicago first had to cross the great lake just north of the town of Smallboat and in order to cross the lake he had to take his letter of recommendation from Denver of Dingess to the Lord Admiral of the High Seas, Kluemper of the Nisqually. Admiral Kluemper, a hero of many actions at sea, read Stancy of Chicago’s recommendations, wiped the slobber from the page (Stancy of Chicago was famous for his slobbering) picked up the legless Stancy of Chicago and placed the hapless mongoloid in his personal ship, the HMS Minnow, recently remodeled after being capsized in the epic battle of Nisqually.
The crossing was not without danger. Lord Admiral Kluemper had, as usual, taken a triple dose of the rum ration causing the HMS Minnow to travel backwards. Since there was no wind that day the sails were of little value and the poor Stancy of Chicago was forced to row the boat. For a normal person such a task would have been of little trouble, but a man of Stancy of Chicago’s abilities could find the task to be nothing more than insurmountable. After several hours of floundering around the lake, Stancy of Chicago did what any normal mindless mongoloid would have done; he jumped overboard. Unfortunately for the court jester the surgery which had removed his legs had left large air pockets in his stumps. As soon as Stancy of Chicago hit the water these pocketed stumps acted as life preservers which caused the mongoloid to bob like a cork in the water, except for the fact that his head was under water. Admiral Kluemper immediately realized the danger, jumped in the water to rescue poor Stancy of Chicago and suddenly realized the tremendous blunder he had made.
Alas, poor Admiral Kluemper could not swim.
Admiral Kluemper, a hero of many a battle, did what nay prudent man in his predicament would do, he used the floundering Stancy of Chicago already near to drowning, as his own personal life preserver. Stancy of Chicago had become a hero, he had saved the Admiral and had unfortunately drowned long before the Admiral had crawled upon his inflated stumps.
It was not until several hours later that the wet Admiral floated to shore. He pulled Stancy of Chicago’s lifeless, legless body to shore saluted it, checked Stancy’s pockets for change, secured the instructions from the Archbishop and tossed the mongoloids body back into the lake, hoping that anyone who found it would assume it to be some type of deformed fish. But the Admiral was no fool and he knew that old King Mattoon must be saved so he took the letters to this trusted friend, the old deaf teamster, Sparling of ArrandU, hoping that he might be able to find the famous knight.
NEXT WEEK ...SPARLING OF ARRANDU FINDS THE GREAT KNIGHT
...SCHALAVIN THE MAGICIAN RETURNS FOR THE DEAD
...MATTOON THE KINDLY KING ESCAPES A RAPE ATTEMPT
...ROYAL WIZARD BOLLER TURNS HIMSELF INTO A FROG
...AND MUCH MORE
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Retyped 4/8/98 by "Peter" Parker.