As Sparling of ArrandU made his was to the kingdom of Insanity to find the Great Knight, feeble old King Mattoon sat in his lonely castle staring down at his right hand, missing three fingers that were lost in a freak explosion. The old Kind had worried for years about his lost fingers, he was saddened at the thought of never being able to pick his nose with his favorite right index finger. For three long years he had been forced to use his little finger and as everyone in the Kingdom of Hooah knew it was undignified for a King to use his litter finger while picking his nose. Old King Mattoon knew that if the old magician Schalavin were still alive he could have given him new fingers. But alas there was only the Royal Wizard Boller, and the wizard had tried ever so hard to cast a spell so the old King could have fingers again. It was not to be, the spell had failed, the Wizard said Abracadabra instead of Shazaam and the old King found to his dismay that he had three new toes instead of three replaced fingers. The old King was not vindictive and he did not punish the Royal Wizard even though the old King could no longer walk correctly. Everyone in the Kingdom knew that King Mattoon had eight toes on his left foot and this caused the doddering old man to continually walk in circles. Because of this slight problem the King had never left his castle and there was a ten foot diameter hole worn in the carpet in the throne room.
The Royal Wizard Boller had often worried about the King, and he had been working day and night on his spells. He was getting better and better. One day an excited fisherman ran to the Royal Wizard. “Your wizardship!” exclaimed the fisherman, “I have found the Loch Ness monster! I will bring this horrible creature to you.” The fisherman ran outside and hauled in a burlap bag. He dumped its contents to the feet of the curious wizard. The wizard blinked in disbelief, there lying in a tumbled head was the lifeless, legless body of Stancy of Chicago.
“I can save him!” screamed the wizard.
“No your wizardship do not inflict that monster upon the Realm.” cried the terrified fisherman who ran screaming in horror away from the crafty wizard.
“Come back you fool, this is the court jester, Stancy of Chicago, he is still salvageable, look the slobber still streams from his deformed lips!”
But the fisherman would not come back and the wizard took out volume I of his Manual for Wizards and turned to AR 630-1 entitled - Bringing Dead Mongoloids Back to Life. He studied it carefully and a tremendous idea came to his mind. Why could not he, the famous Royal Wizard bring the hapless Stancy of Chicago back as a whole man. He reached for Wizard FM 8-97, Restoration of Idiots and Deformities and carefully read the spell needed to give Stancy of Chicago the legs he lacked.
“Alacazam hocus possum, make Stancy’s legs look like a possum.” But alas the spell was mishandled and two chicken legs appeared where Stancy of Chicago’s legs had once been. But this did not deter the great Wizard, he would bring the jester back to life. He chanted the spell and a great light flashed in the room, a roar of a thousand cannons could be heard for miles and smoke obscured the room. When it cleared the dead Stancy of Chicago was still there, his chicken legs torn from his stumps. Next to the body was a small frog, wearing the glasses of the great Wizard. Alas the wizard was not to be found, he had turned himself into a frog. As sun set, the frog hopped off into the sunset in search of a stagnant pond.
NEXT WEEK......Schalavin the Magician returns!
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Retyped 4/8/98 by "Peter" Parker.